Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He has the fingertips of a God
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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