umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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