do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize