yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
