I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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