just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
