he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
