When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Still dying that you shit outside
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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