Pants 0. Shit 1.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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