that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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