bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
