If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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