Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
