So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just had sex bonerless
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
