I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she smelled like a LAN party
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
