He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The best revenge is premature balding
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
