i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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