So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize