Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize