She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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