My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize