Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
