I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
