Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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