the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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