HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
