you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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