i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
