I'll bet she douches with gravy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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