I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i drank out of a bidet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
