Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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