Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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