Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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