I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need water and some morals
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
