We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
