Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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