i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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