I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
