she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
