that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
