I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize