if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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