Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
