She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
