I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
