I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
