Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
