I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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