He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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