Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
