haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
