The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
