Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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