You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize