dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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