Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
These tits shall not be calmed
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