Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I lost the right to judge tonight
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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