So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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