Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
