If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize