butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
