Jerry, you need to find god
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
