im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
