no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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