At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
