Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize